Has Feminism gone too far?

Has Feminism gone too far?

Before you start bristling and get your many arguments ready to tell me about how much farther it still needs to go—let me say one thing: I agree completely with you.

Let me specify the question: Has feminism gone too far in regards to men?

What I mean is this: in pursuit of equality between men and women, our society has taken the “normal” roles of men in relationships.

Even up until the 90’s, boys growing up have always been told that they will be the one that is expected to provide for their family and for their wives in specific. It seems that today, especially in the last 15 years, they’re now told that they aren’t expected to fully provide for their families—that they should find a career wife and have the burden shared.

I have no issue with that. What I think has happened though is that we have taken away a role for men that helps them focus on growth, success, and development of responsibility without replacing it with another role.

Men are creatures of purpose. They are “fixers”, they strive to create or lead. With feminism we’ve diminished the importance of being the head of household I think. The issue with that is, because we haven’t told them what to do instead, men are often left with loose ends and a lesser since of purpose. Yes, men are told to be a partner in their relationship but in my experience men inherently wish to lead. Feminism though has taught them though that they shouldn’t lead, that it is diminishing and sometimes offensive towards their female counter parts to lead in a relationship.

What this has done to my generation of men, I believe, has given them a sense of flippancy when it comes to relationship building. I know not every single young man is like this, but I think as a society that is how we now perceive men. They’re not seeking a serious relationship until much later in their 20’s or even 30’s now.

Women talk about how men never grow up, but I think an issue now is that women aren’t inspiring men to grow up because we’ve been telling them that we can take care of them instead. Why should a guy strive to be a man if he can just use his looks to attract a mate?

I’m not suggesting that women need to take a back seat to leadership, their careers, or any of the great strides we’ve made in the last 20 years. But I think that we need to start holding men more accountable in our society as relationship leaders, to again inspire men to want to be better for the sake of having a family. We need to give men a role in relationships and life again that is compatible with the role of an independent woman. And women need to know that men can be inspired to step up, that they will step up, and help shoulder the burden of life.

As a woman, I believe I can do all that life requires of me. It’ll be hard, I won’t know everything, and it might make me rip my hair out. But as a spouse, I know I can ask for help from a man who is better than me in certain tasks.

I don’t believe equality has to mean that I can do everything as well as my husband. I believe equality means that we can depend on each other with things that we aren’t good at, without it ever being anything less than a true partnership.

True Equality, I believe, means complete respect for another human being.

Men in Fiction

Everyone rags on the over sexualization of women in …. Well everything. Especially comic books or Sci Fi & Fantasy works. It’s not hard to find an incredibly well endowed, super tiny waisted, skimpy outfitted woman when looking through even the Geek page on Pinterest. In fact, it’s harder to avoid finding those women. People can go on and on about how it objectifies women, how we’re represented as useless without a man, how physically impossible those women’s measurements are, or how unrealistic it is to fly with a strapless shirt on. That one should be obvious, I mean just ask a woman who has dived into a pool with a bikini top on. It’s a desperate scramble of fixing the girls before you come up for air. Then to drive the point home, they say: “What does this teach our little girls?”

I completely agree with them. But that’s not what got me writing today.

We’re so caught up in the fight for equality for the future generations of women that we forget the little boys out there seeing all these fantastic super heroes.

Now I’m sure you’re saying: “What?”

I’m serious though. Especially with the success of the Avengers on film, we’re not realizing that just like showing skinny women to little girls—showing strong, gorgeous men to little boys affects them just as much. They look up to these heroes and want to be them, just like so many little girls wanting to be the models on the front of Vogue.

But as it is with the girls not being able to come close to the photo shopped perfection on a glossy cover, not all these little boys will be able to come close to the computer helped testosterone packed fake god on the big screen.

And on top of that, these characters are also teaching the little boys what a man should be like. A man needs to be strong, incredibly smart or athletic, must be able to make every woman swoon when you flex your arms or smile. You must be rich, you must have an important career, and major failures aren’t allowed.

You can see in real life and in the sci fi world that those men tend to go through women faster than a fifth of expensive vodka. They become narcissistic, egotistic, and frankly douchebags.

So while you’re letting your son or your brother watch these amazing men do amazing things in the movies, remind them there is more to being a man than being able to kick ass. Teach them that they don’t have to be the strongest, they don’t need to be extremely wealthy, and it’s okay to fail at something.

We need an average hero for our boys. Someone who doesn’t always get the girl and doesn't always win the game, but he always tries his hardest and gets up to do it again when he fails.  

That is manlier than throwing money at a problem until it goes away. 

My slice of humble pie.

I know this isn't literature related, but I felt I needed to share the experience I had this morning.

I work as an early morning baker in downtown Portland, in an area that is constantly full of homeless people. I hate confrontation, so if I leave them alone they usually leave me alone. This is always tested when they’re sleeping in the doorway that I walk through every morning. I usually quickly back-peddle and go through one of the main entrances. 

This morning was different though. I’d been working on my muffins for about 30 minutes when I happened to notice a homeless lady putting her stuff down in the doorway. We briefly made eye contact through the windows before I slid my eyes right over here, trying to avoid showing too much attention to her. She quickly settled down on her cardboard and went to sleep. I honestly don’t mind when they sleep in my doorway. Their lives are hard enough without me chasing them off. Plus that would require confrontation.

Fast forward two hours, and she’s waking up. I continue to avoid looking at her, redoubling my efforts when I notice she’s trying to get my attention. Great, I thought, she wants free food. She even tried the door handle. I’m texting my husband the whole time, saying if she isn't gone by 5:30 A.M. I would call the non-emergency hotline and have her shoo’ed off.

Then, I noticed she taped a note to the window. For awhile, it was the opposite of a staring contest: how long could I go before I read it. Finally walking by, I sped read it and it brought me to a stop.

It said: Thank you for not chasing me off. I was so tired I was seeing things and here was the only place I came close to seeing safe enough to rest. Ty x100.

I’m so glad I didn't call the police.

I grabbed a bag of day old muffins and a bottle of water, and took it out to her. A bit out of pity, but mostly because she looked like she really needed it.

Before I could even offer it, she was thanking me profusely for letting her rest and telling me about her night’s experience. It turned out she had tried to sleep earlier in the night but was woken up when someone tried to steal what little she had, and she almost got stabbed in the process. She’d been running the rest of the night until she finally saw my work’s door stop.  

She didn't look “cracked out”, she was better-spoken than some non-homeless people I know, and she was grateful. Now, I know personally that not all homeless people out there are as seemingly clean and sane as she was.

At the same time, I was reminded that she is a person.

She had a family at one point, she had friends. Not many people are born into the life she was living now. But our society has turned her invisible to most of us.

But I saw her this morning, and through seeing her—I saw myself.

It’s humbling how such an act of paranoid kindness could affect her day. But I think I got more out of the experience. She showed me how even though she was invisible, she was still a person.

And by showing me that, she made me a better person. 

The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman

I’m sad to say that Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane is my first experience with the author; besides the movie Stardust and the Doctor Who episodes he’s written. However, that being so—The Ocean at the End of the Lane was a fantastic start to my new found love of Gaiman. How have I been reading this long without having picked up a work by him before?

Gaiman pulls you in immediately in his latest adult novel, thrusting you directly into the heartbreak of the narrator’s funeral of a never mentioned family member. The narrator experiences what we all have: the awkward meet and greet of old family friends and long distance relatives that you can’t remember the names of. You never learn the name of the narrator himself, which sets your soul into the character’s slot. Before the dreaded reception, the narrator takes a literal drive down memory lane to a childhood friend’s house. Reminiscing about the adventure he’d forgotten, Gaiman opens up a portal into a magical side of the world that confronts the realities of abuse, infidelity, and the bravery of a child.  

The narrator is the outcast child; no one shows up to his seventh birthday, nor does he get along with his older sister. He does what many children in that situation do, and retreats into himself and into books. The ageless matriarchal Hempstock family is introduced after a conflict with a minor character and the youngest, Lettie Hempstock, takes responsibility of the narrator as well as offering him friendship. She brings him into a part of the world he’d only ever imagined lived in story books or in the imagination of other children. But she doesn't take him in to the beautiful, happy-ever-after side; she, instead, shows him the dangers of the creatures that are from the other side of her Ocean. Together they must fight to return a creature back to the safety of the magical world after the narrator unwittingly helps it travel into the human world.

Gaiman’s prose is so simplistically beautiful that it draws you in without you noticing. Before you know it, you’re running down the lane with the narrator, terrified of the darkness behind you. Your heart aches as you see things that the narrator is still too young to properly understand. You question the nature of the creature the narrator has brought to his world: is it truly evil, or is it simply a creature that is struggling to fulfill its natural calling?

Gaiman blends reality with just enough mysticism to create a fascinating reality. His narrator’s struggles are so relatable that the reader will find plenty in common the young child. The reader’s heart will ache with him, their stomach will clench in fear, and finally the bittersweet ending will have the reader slowly closing the book and holding on the words for a little bit longer.

You can find Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane at any major book retailer, and probably your local independently owned bookstore. I highly suggest buying this book, as it’s one you’re going to want to keep on your shelves to revisit later.  

The image is copyright to HarperCollins Publishers and Neil Gaiman. 

Mary Wollstonecraft: Unsung literary heroine of the 18th Century

            Mary Wollstonecraft should be hailed more often as a literary heroine. Perhaps it is because of her scandalous affairs revealed after her death or her feminist beliefs and rhetoric that prevent her works from resting next to the works of Austen and the Brontë sisters on modern young girl’s bookshelves. Her wit and hard fought intelligence shine through with such sophisticated attitude that it incites pleasure while reading her scathing remarks, flaying men and the accepted belief of the lesser status of womankind in her time. Wollstonecraft wrote with passion, fervor, and clarity that were she alive today, she would rank among the great political women.

            Wollstonecraft’s arguments in her Vindications show a vehement desire for equality that is supported by not only her passion but also by sound logic. Perhaps as a woman in the 18^th century the rational she uses was not as clear-sighted and awe inspiring as it is for a modern woman who has many of the rights Wollstonecraft advocates. As a woman in the 21^st century reading her Vindications, Wollstonecraft’s arguments could be considered “obvious”: women could easily be the equal of men if both are offered the same education, women should be educated because they are the ones that raise the children of the next generation, women can be more than air headed trophies on their husband’s arms if only given the chance. As a 21^st century woman these arguments are very well accepted and coveted, because society has discovered what Wollstonecraft argued: Women are easily the equal of men if given the opportunity of education. However in the 18^th century, after Wollstonecraft’s husband published her memoirs after her death, the scandalous nature of her personal life overshadowed her forward thinking causing her work to be put away. Unfortunately, due to the tradition that she beats her fists so passionately against, it is understandable that women of her time either chose not to care about Wollstonecraft’s work or were afraid of being labeled a social pariah had they showed interest.

            Mocking an author or insulting their arguments is usually considered a weakness in your own defense, however Wollstonecraft uses her wit to positively flay entire pieces of work such as Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution of France. In her letter she wrote, she cleverly weaves her words to not only invalidate the arguments Burke makes but also insult the intelligence of the man himself! She draws a clean line between Burke and the middle class, clearly saying that his arguments only sound reasonable to the wealthy and higher class. What she does that many 21^st century political writers often forget or choose not to do is after slicing Burke’s down with her pen she rebuttals with a better argument.

            Wollstonecraft brings up an argument that is currently in the media today in her rebuttal against Burke: That the poor have a right to a better lifestyle than what society gives them and that it would not affect the wealthy as the wealthy believe. In modern society, the poor are fortunate that there is such things as a minimum wage and laws to protect the rights people have been deemed to have. She talks about things that modern society has made such progress in, yet her argument is still a valid one as society is not yet as equal as Wollstonecraft desires. Women have the right to education, to lead, to vote, to pursue whatever lifestyle they desire; yet female representation in government is still lacking and men are still the loudest voice in dictating laws. Women in many professional fields still lack the respect and pay rate as their male counterparts. Modern women should take up Wollstonecraft’s Vindications and should finish the fight that Wollstonecraft challenged society to.

            Mary Wollstonecraft is a literary heroine; she was scathing, hilarious, intelligent and clear-sighted in her writings. She also loved passionately, which the importance is often overshadowed by the scandalous nature of her affairs. Wollstonecraft was a woman who lived: she traveled, she wrote what she was passionate about, and the men she chose to love she did so completely. She is a woman who is meant to be admired throughout the centuries for showing such early evidence that a woman can fight the chains created by society while still being a partner, wife, and mother. Mary Wollstonecraft’s works deserve to be on every young girl’s bookshelf right next to the other literary heroines.

Technological Conundrums

The rise of technology has always directly influenced the world of literature. We began with crude paints on the walls of caves and now it's the norm to have a digital device that can hold thousands of books. For hundreds of years after the improved printing press was created by the German printer Johannes Gutenberg in 1450, the hardback and later the paperback book were the main options for literature. The printing presses were perfected and literature became more available to the public as advances in technology reduced costs and educational opportunities increased as the western world's culture developed and changed. Then in 2007, the Amazon Kindle was released; for the first time it was possible for an average person to have a device that could hold hundreds, thousands if you so willed, of books. It didn't take off immediately, however within a few short years the e-reader has thrown the literature world upside down.

There are pros and cons to having an e-reader. I, myself, have the most basic Amazon Kindle. I resisted getting one for about four years until I realized how convenient they could be. Instead of having to lug around two or three 500 page plus novels, I can pop this slim piece of technology into my purse and carry around a digital library. But I've found that even with the Kindle, I still buy hard copies of my favorite authors' new releases. What I do love about the Kindle is that there is easy access to many free books that include classics as well as new authors. It's also much lighter than Brandon Sanderson's The Way of Kings. 

The release of the e-reader hasn't only thrown the product side of publishing for a loop; e-readers have also opened up a whole new path to publishing for those individuals who wish to become authors. It used to be that you'd send out a hundred copies of your manuscript to agents, hoping that they'd decide your novel was worth something and find you a book deal. Or if you decided to self publish, you'd end up spending hundreds of dollars printing your books and then trying to market them to your local bookstores. Now, with the release of e-readers self publishing has become much easier and has really sped up the process. Once your manuscript is edited and formatted, you can have your book ready to be purchased within 24 hours if you decide to self publish! Quality can range from superb to downright awful. When you buy a book at a store, you know that there were at least three various editors overseeing the book's many stages; with an e-reader you don't get that guarantee. An e-reader author may not have been able to afford a great free-lance editor and perhaps they used their neighbor's daughter who's going to college and needs a few extra bucks. The result is that the quality of the books you can get on the e-reader can range. However because the publishing companies have seen the trend of the public moving towards e-readers, they've began releasing digital copies as well as hardback. So obviously not all works on e-readers have the chance of being horrendously edited.

There are those who also fear that the e-reader will replace hard copies of books. I can fully understand that, but I don't think it will actually happen. While some publishers have reported a drop in sales when it comes to paper backs, hardback sales have stayed steady they also report. Also one benefit of the e-reader is studies are showing that kids and young adults are beginning to read more. It makes sense because the new generation is so entwined with technology, if we want our children to read we may just have to introduce it through the devices their eyes are already glued too. Personally, I would love to raise my future children on hard copies but I can understand that if you are having to pack a huge bag for them for travel, who wants to add three or six more books for them?

I don't see the e-reader as being the end of the physical books, but I do see them being the cause of a drop in local bookstores. In the last seven years, in my area, I've seen four bookstores disappear. I think our culture's move to more of an online market has had a large hand in it as well, but for sure the release of the e-reader has definitely affected local stores. Barns and Nobles is barely holding on, the release of the company's own e-reader has helped keep them going where as Amazon has never been doing better.

Honestly in the end, I like both books and the e-reader. I do primarily read hard copies, keeping my Kindle for travel and or access to quick, free books. I think Stephen Fry nailed it on the head when he said: “Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.” There will be the crowds that always pack into the elevator, or in this case e-readers, but for those of us who still crack open a book it's refreshing.

Besides, it just means shorter lines at the bookstore.

-B

P.S. I wonder what will come after e-readers as technology advances?

Photo Credit: Unknown

Madame Tussaud; A novel of the French Revolution by Michelle Moran

The difference between liberty and tyranny during a revolution can often be hard to distinguish. I believe this is because of the probability of the mob-mentality. The revolutionary leaders can take down the old order, and in the same belief of fighting the old ways commit atrocities that can be worse than the old leaders ever attempted. You simply have to look at the current world news or thumb through a history book for evidence of this occurrence.

In Madame Tussaud, the author Michelle Moran creates a riveting fictionalized biography of a woman whose ambitions was to create her own financial well-being at a time when most women sought a good marriage and family. She cleverly weaves fiction with the true story of this famed wax sculptor; drawing you deeper into the murky world of surviving in a city plagued by starvation, blood thirsty mobs, politicians, and family tensions.

Moran isn't the first author I have come across that has suggested a large part of the French Revolution was the fact that the French monarchy, King Louis the XVI and Queen Marie Antoinette were kept ignorant of the true state of finances of the kingdom. While this book is a fictionalized biography, Moran has stayed true to the events that occur in the book and sheds light on what a family may have had to endure playing both sides of the revolution.

This story grips you in its fist, causing you to worry over Marie's fate; knowing that while she makes it out alive, you also know that Marie is put through proverbial hell. The character herself acknowledges in a moment of despair that she traded her chance of love and safety for her wax salon and her family. You find yourself amazed at how dedicated she was to her work that she wouldn't leave it behind, not even for the man she loved with her entire being. At the same time you marvel at her strength, uncommon in the women at that time, you also wonder if she's ridiculous for not taking the chance she had to flee to safety from a city who was quickly becoming flooded by the blood of those who started the revolution's movement years before.

Moran is excellent at showing a gritty realistic revolution. When students learn about the French Revolution, often they learn about how amazing it was that the poor rose up against the greedy aristocracy and took control of the nation. Many do not take the time nor are presented the picture of how much death and fear the revolution struck into the people at the heart of Paris. How the revolutionists cast down their leaders, declaring them traitors and how they began a proverbial witch-hunt for anyone that could be considered anti-revolutionist and those related to anti-revolutionist. Friends were not safe from friends, families turned on their own, neighbors betrayed neighbors; all of out fear. Moran portraits this more clearly than any other author I've read, albeit I've only read a handful of French Revolution era novels. But what stayed with me was how she wrote the royal family, she showed clearly the ignorance of the royal family that was fostered by the nobles; Moran showed a Marie Antoinette a mother that was torn by grief but had to play the part of a queen. She gave you the feeling that you were torn between understanding the hungry people of France as well as the blind ignorance and hopeful royal family; just as Marie Grosholtz develops.

If you are a fan of fictional biographies, French Revolution fiction, or just a fan of revolution drama and politics this book should certainly be on your to read list. The actions of the revolutionist may not be exactly what is going on in parts of the world today, but the mob-mentality along with the lengths these “revolutionaries” go to are along the same lines. It is a terrifying idea that humans as a people still resort to escalating violence because of being drunk with power and having a following of people willing to do what is suggested so long as it is said with enough passion.

“ 'It doesn't have to,' I tell him. 'You must simply learn the rules and obey.'

'Is that what liberty means?' he asks earnestly.

The three of us are silent.

'No,' I say, 'That is what tyranny means,' but I don't explain.”

Excerpt from Madame Tussad, p. 347 

Author Michelle Moran's Website

Blind dates with Books

Something I come across rather often is that people know a lot about a book before ever reading it. When you know a lot about the book before ever opening it, you're at a disadvantage for immersing yourself. You might know the plot twist, or the outcome of the characters which doesn't allow you to fully experience the story sometimes. Or it might not live up to your expectation. Wanting to know about the book is understandable; I mean look how terrible blind dates can be when a well meaning friend sets you up. Who would want to do that with something so important as reading a book?

Sure many people don't believe that reading a book is important, but I believe differently. When you read a book you're investing your time, your emotions, and your mental stability. People walk past people reading everyday and don't notice that the reader's heart may be breaking, a plot twist may be throwing them for a loop, something a character realizes might be causing them to have their own self realization. There are many quotes about books and the importance of them to the world, and so many of them ring true.

I like to have blind dates with books, and it's a huge risk. I don't use the library, not because I don't support them-I think libraries are wonderful assets; I don't use the library because I'm selfish and I don't like giving books back even if it's not something I love. I enjoy spending time perusing the local used book store, taking the time to glance at all the books, seeing which ones are interesting, which ones immediately put me off, which ones were well loved and which ones were never read. Often I will choose a book I have never heard of before, an unknown author, unknown world, unknown plot. I'm making a commitment to that book that I will read it as it deserves, I will finish, and I will think about it.

This isn't to say that I love every book I've read, because I haven't met anyone that loves every book. There are some books that I don't care to read the next series, for whatever reason may be. I've given up on only one book, one that I know many people have for an understandable reason: The Heart of Darkness. If you know that notorious novel, you'll understand why at the age of 17 I didn't have the patience to push through.

Just as you have negative experiences with blind dates sometimes there is that wonderful, glorious, heart warming, amazing feeling when you and the book click. The author's words lift off the pages, transporting you out of this world and into one of their creation. You cry when the protagonist cries, you laugh when they laugh, you cheer them on, and you despair for them in their darkest moments. But you carry on, just as Samwise Gamgee said, because you know that it shall pass.

So I encourage you to take a blind date with a book, and see what path it takes you on. It might not work out sure, but it also might become your favorite book. The one that you don't ever forget.

Here's to never forgetting your favorite story.

B.